Sometimes I ask myself -- ?

Okay - so don't be surprised this is not a blog post on an event, or an announcement or a review of anything. This is just me - Ica - letting some steam off in one of the best ways (aside from music) that I know how - writing and blogging. Maybe I need to do this more often or to the limitations to which I will be entitled to but for whatever reason I hope you guys don't get bored or click close - I guess its time I also gave you some personal thoughts and maybe let you know what's going on in my head. I don't know if its' that time of the month again or I'm just feeling really depressed now - so hope you guys indulge and read through :)   

So here goes -- 

Sometimes I ask myself why Paul and I do what we do? Why we spend our time blogging, covering events and writing reviews, among others. Sometimes I find myself so excited itching to start blogging, with thoughts flying across my head just waiting to get posted online. But I'll admit that there are times when I just want to lay down on bed and not do or think of anything. There are times and there are a lot of them, especially when we don't get the invites or the photo pass that we asked for - and I do ask a lot that I just want to pull my hair out of frustration and eat a pizza, blasting angsty music while I'm at it. The market is so saturated and there are so many people who do what we do - blog, take photos and what not and its' just so frustrating and hard to get a place, to get a spot and to squeeze in. You know - just asking for a chance. 

I mean what am I supposed to write about? I can't be a foodie- I am a very picky person when it comes to food, I bet that if you made a list of things that I eat to a list of things I don't eat you would have a longer list for the latter and its' not like we can afford to go to the swankiest of restaurants to try out their food either. Tried my hand in product reviews and make up blogging but that didn't really work out either - for the same reason of not being able to afford to have product haul after product haul of beauty products to review. So Paul and I settled to something that we both love - music and the pop geek culture. While we get invites on events and gigs, there is always that feeling of wanting to do more, as man has been known to feel but not getting the chance and the opportunity to do so. Covering these events means spending money on gas and food - while Paul and I are extremely grateful for the opportunity and the invites presented to us, maybe some people don't realize what it means for us to go on an event especially when we are on critical wallet day and are on a tight budget. Sometimes I ask myself what we get from all of this? I don't know if I'm just having a bad day or if I have a legitimate question. I do appreciate and I am grateful to the wonderful people that we have met while embarking on our adventures and meeting them and supporting music have definitely been one of the better things in these things that we do and spend so much time on.  

Paul has been pushing himself with his photography, since he wants to improve and become better but photography is a very expensive hobby and it really does hurt me looking at him becoming frustrated since he wants to improve so bad with his photography and of course that means needing funds for new lenses, a new body and other camera paraphernalia. He goes out every day making sure that he has a photo of the day and he is really pushing himself to learn more and more in photography, reading blogs and watching videos online. I know he wants to be a photographer professionally and that it is his dream - maybe someday we would get to see that dream lived, maybe. 


Just to continue ranting - it's also frustrating with our schedule, since we both work the graveyard shift and have different days off it's really hard to go on events we could have gone to and we could have covered. 

Sometimes I find myself thinking and brooding to much. sometimes I ask myself things and maybe that's a good thing or maybe it's not a good thing but for whatever reason of finding myself down and depressed I'm happy that I have Paul along with me on this ride. I just hope that everything does work out in the end. 

Maybe we'll have a baby next year and maybe that would change things but for now - we definitely just want to continue improving in our own fields, Paul in his photography and writing and blogging for me. Maybe we'll make it big or maybe we won't but as always we just have to make do with what we have - after all lemons out of lemonade right? :)