Last September 25, 2017 I wrote a personal post about giving birth to Luke, taking some down time and what it was like being a new mom. I thought that I would be back to work by October 23, 2017 (and hence back to regular programming) by then but it seems that the universe has other plans.
About a week when I was due back to work, I was rushed to the ER because of vomiting and loss of appetite. One of the ER doctors noticed something strange about my pulse rate. After a chest ultrasound, they found that I have an enlarged heart. Apparently my gestational hypertension (high blood when pregnant) brought stress on my heart, which in turn caused my heart to grow larger. (I would get blood pressure readings as high as 180/110).
I stayed in the hospital as they tried to manage my increased heart rate. I missed Thor: Ragnarok press screening and eventually my scheduled return to work. The weeks that followed was me trying to deal with an onslaught of symptoms, which I had no idea why there manifesting. I would be in and out of the ER as I tried to deal with loss of appetite, difficulty of breathing, LBM, hot flushes, chest pains, body malaise and swelling. I lost a lot of weight during this time, going back to my college days where in I weighed about 90lbs. I could feel my rib cage again :( all those pounds I worked so hard to put on for the past years were suddenly non-existent.
During this time, Luke was staying with my mom, he would stay with us, when it was Paul's days off. I was miserable. I would get bouts of anxiety, waking up in the dark, sweating and I having difficulty in breathing. During my low points, I would scratch myself all over my legs leading to ugly scars and I would pick at the scabs. They're just dark patches on my legs now, slowly healing, I would like to think that I'm slowly healing too. Slowly getting used to living with "heart failure" but let's save that for another personal blog post.
Physically, I could no longer do the things I was able to. Climbing up the stairs was already difficult for me. One of the things I liked about working in Eastwood, was that I could walk from one end to the next. In my present condition, I couldn't do much walking anymore. Taking public transportation was also a challenge, getting up on jeepneys (and their already stressful driving experience) would certainly carry a toll on my heart.
Once my doctor, errr..my Cardiologist rather, prescribed a number of different meds I felt better. There was a week, where in I was so energetic, I wanted to do so many things. I ended up reviving my old oDesk (now Up Work) account and doing some freelance writing. Once my body got used to the meds, I settled to having good days and bad days. Some days I felt completely normal, like I could do whatever and anything I wanted, but then things would turn for the worse and my heart and chest would hurt, I would be weak and have no appetite. The next week months was learning to be familiar with the extent of what my heart could take. I figured that if my heart was not okay, I would exhibit all the symptoms I felt before.
I would spend the rest of 2017 on house arrest, staying in our room and taking care of Luke. It was a big change of plans from what I originally thought I would be doing (you know, back to work, back to regular programming and all) and if you knew me, you'd know I hate any change in plans. But such is life and you just learn to roll with the punches (even if it was a sucker punch out of nowhere).
Until now, I'm still trying to figure things out and I don't know how much this will change me, or my life. I know I want to make the best out of everything and my present health condition will certainly make it a challenge but then again if it was easy, then it won't be worth it-right?
#LivingWithHeartFailure
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